Apologies in the style of haiku

Jordan Bolyard and Georgia Perry

Remember when I
Made those grouper sandwiches?
Um, tilapia.

That one time that we
Got real drunk at your place, I
Stole your welcome mat.

Sorry I convinced
Your children you both died and
That it’s whatever.

I was bullshitting.
I haven’t the slightest clue
Who Bukowski is.

Mentioning rim jobs
In the presence of your mom:
Inappropriate.

I told everyone
You were lying about your
Peanut allergy.

Fighting about toast
To avoid talking about
My sex problem…yeah.

Sorry I crashed your
Mom’s funeral and told your
Family I’m your wife.

Sorry I crinkled
My candy wrapper so loud
During the movie

Sorry I said your
Hair was cute and then I stole
Your identity.

Sorry I laughed when
You said you could change the world
But, like, come on, girl.

So sorry my hand
Was down my pants, and there was
Rope around my neck.